"I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING,TIRED OF ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING'S OKAY,TIRED OF NOT BEING WITH HIM..."
I was not a 'pretender' today!I talk to so many people,everyday-but,somehow that's not me they are talking to but me.I understand that this expression is confusing,but then my life is full of chaos & piss too.I have always 'wanted' to satisfy people with my behaviour and ended up ignoring what I have always 'needed'!I was arguing with a friend of mine today about 'who gets affected more?'-Yes,I know what you are thinking-we were having a 'Affect-Off',as you might call it that way!She blamed me for being 'egoistic','self-absorbing' and 'mean'-somehow,she meant I am the devil's disciple,at least that's how I see it!Her allegation's did not affected me nor,I was offended by any of those words-Don't both my thoughts mean the same.Weird!However,does it mean that I have no shame?-Well,I still seem confused about this one question.
I was perfectly 'calm',but for some completely weird reason I shouted and fought courageously for the frugal blames plunged into my soul with a silver spoon!
Yeah,who doesn't like some drama as pleasure?!I confess,I am a hedonist,so yeah!
I continued safe-guarding my jeopardised image and at one point I wanted to sing 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot By Pat Benatar'.Later,she said;'I am superficial'-Oh yes she said that 's' word! But,I had to remember that I won't fight like a 'bitch' and jump on her and bite off her liver or something!
So,I said;'Hah!Spurious claims!Yeah,that's what they are.'-this is what I said just like a boss.
In addition,I continued like a boss;'I am what I am,I like the way I misbehave'.I paused for effect.'I know I get dysfunctional at times,but that's what I need!And,oh yes i know I have *P.R.E.C.O.C.I.O.U.S.* written all over me'.
Afterwards,she apologised of what had happened and was extremely sorry.So,I forgot that she called me 'egoistic' and I also forgot she said the 's' word to me and I forgave her!
Nah!None of that happened.She never apologised and we had to talk to each other since she was suppose to help me with my assignment on 'Malaria'.Later,when I got some free time to myself-I couldn't let my mind avoid this argument between us!Because,I believe-the stuff I said just for the sake of saying-I actually meant it,all of it!I was me for once and that was the first time I,myself even realised that it was me!I understood the fact that all of us somehow pretend to be pretending and ignore 'things' but somewhere,deep down in our golden heart,we do feel ugly and embarrassed for those 'things'.I just said all of the stuff I really meant in a extremely dramatic way,because that 'drama' was the pretending part!This time,it was me who needed the 'Move-ON' factor to stop pretending and be me and I learnt that 'I am me and that's all I can be'.
The illustration I made today is once again inspired by my day!The original picture is from my favourite magazine, 'Vogue',from 2007 September issue.Grace Coddington looks fabulous and this 'Jump Shot',as they call it-is one of my favourite vogue shot!The way she makes the camera crew jump shows how she is ready to leave the ground and be herself while pretending to be a cover model!So my illustration is a bit experi-mental.My illustration is my interpretation of the original photo.My illustration is tearing up at the seams!It's in red and its basically 'fashion obscura'- I experimented my feelings on a photo,that is what all my illustration are about.These photos are my journal or personal diary or whatever you like to call it!I'll wrap this up now and just say that my today's illustrations somehow,is telling you that;'I know I have issues,but you are pretty messed up too!'
So,the world is full of pretenders and thinkers!So,Nobody can judge and we all are equally being ourselves!Pretending is a stubborn mistress!
I hope you like it and share your views and share it with your friends! :)
I was perfectly 'calm',but for some completely weird reason I shouted and fought courageously for the frugal blames plunged into my soul with a silver spoon!
Yeah,who doesn't like some drama as pleasure?!I confess,I am a hedonist,so yeah!
I continued safe-guarding my jeopardised image and at one point I wanted to sing 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot By Pat Benatar'.Later,she said;'I am superficial'-Oh yes she said that 's' word! But,I had to remember that I won't fight like a 'bitch' and jump on her and bite off her liver or something!
So,I said;'Hah!Spurious claims!Yeah,that's what they are.'-this is what I said just like a boss.
In addition,I continued like a boss;'I am what I am,I like the way I misbehave'.I paused for effect.'I know I get dysfunctional at times,but that's what I need!And,oh yes i know I have *P.R.E.C.O.C.I.O.U.S.* written all over me'.
Afterwards,she apologised of what had happened and was extremely sorry.So,I forgot that she called me 'egoistic' and I also forgot she said the 's' word to me and I forgave her!
Nah!None of that happened.She never apologised and we had to talk to each other since she was suppose to help me with my assignment on 'Malaria'.Later,when I got some free time to myself-I couldn't let my mind avoid this argument between us!Because,I believe-the stuff I said just for the sake of saying-I actually meant it,all of it!I was me for once and that was the first time I,myself even realised that it was me!I understood the fact that all of us somehow pretend to be pretending and ignore 'things' but somewhere,deep down in our golden heart,we do feel ugly and embarrassed for those 'things'.I just said all of the stuff I really meant in a extremely dramatic way,because that 'drama' was the pretending part!This time,it was me who needed the 'Move-ON' factor to stop pretending and be me and I learnt that 'I am me and that's all I can be'.
The illustration I made today is once again inspired by my day!The original picture is from my favourite magazine, 'Vogue',from 2007 September issue.Grace Coddington looks fabulous and this 'Jump Shot',as they call it-is one of my favourite vogue shot!The way she makes the camera crew jump shows how she is ready to leave the ground and be herself while pretending to be a cover model!So my illustration is a bit experi-mental.My illustration is my interpretation of the original photo.My illustration is tearing up at the seams!It's in red and its basically 'fashion obscura'- I experimented my feelings on a photo,that is what all my illustration are about.These photos are my journal or personal diary or whatever you like to call it!I'll wrap this up now and just say that my today's illustrations somehow,is telling you that;'I know I have issues,but you are pretty messed up too!'
So,the world is full of pretenders and thinkers!So,Nobody can judge and we all are equally being ourselves!Pretending is a stubborn mistress!
I hope you like it and share your views and share it with your friends! :)
Bye!
